Amazing Grace

No I haven't been taken captive by the Syrian government nor am I rotting away in an Israeli jail cell. No. No, in fact let me be utterly transparent with you right here, right now. The reason I haven't written in a while is because I feel like I've failed The Lord. Yes friends, I felt that way. In fact the last conversation that I had with my parents makes them witnesses. I had been wondering why I was in a funk and there it was; staring me in the face. Isn't that how it usually is though? One minute you're so close with The Lord and then the enemy attacks? Well along with my theme of transparency  let's just say, my armor wasn't on and I fell. I didn't even have an epic fall like in those movie scenes where the hero makes a sacrifice play. I basically just laid down and waited for the pain. And well as we all know the enemy pummeled me to a pulp. So yeah, I felt like I'd failed The Lord. But then we had church...in Russian. Oh boy did I not wanna go. Then we had worship. There's a song that had a special place in my heart and we sang it tonight. This song is called "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)." Allow me to explain. This song was the song I had the GREAT honor of singing for a memorial service for a man that I truly honored. But this isn't to cry over Mr. Bobb Absten but rather that the encouragement from his life that The Lord delivered to my heart might encourage you. I naturally thought "What would Mr. Absten say if I told him I'd failed The Lord?" So, after the tears spilled over I imagined him sitting at his desk and smiling at me saying, "We're gonna fall short every day but the key is that we don't stay down." And then he would pray for me and the Holy Spirit would fall. (His prayers were that powerful). He lived his life as if he'd never failed The Lord...EVER. But that is because he understood this one thing. "Amazing GRACE; how SWEET the sound that SAVED a WRETCH like me. I once was LOST but now I'm FOUND. I was BLIND but now I SEE. My chains are GONE and I've been set FREE!! My God my Savior has RESCUED me. And like a flood His mercy rains. Unending LOVE amazing GRACE!" Mr. Absten lived every day like those words were his lifeline. So now, I don't really feel like I've failed The Lord. I know I fall short every day but I only fail if I stay down. I understand that song now. I will never understand the depths of His love, but I want to. It is the great desire of my heart. And may I ask for one thing? Would you pray for me? Would you pray that I wouldn't fall but I would put up a fight? And instead of just singing "Amazing Grace" I would cling to the truth of it? I want to see the full measure of what The Lord has for me and if I don't have my armor on then I won't ever see it

Love,
Me