First off, let me say, I'm not married. I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never been on a date. BUT, believe me when I say, I am a romantic. As much as I attempt to downplay it these days, it just keeps popping up. I even attempted to hold to the code that "sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side." Well while we want to applaud Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss for that tid bit of truth, somewhere deep inside of us we understand that sentiment is, in fact, a tool that drives us as human beings. Without it, we would be lifeless machines. Anyways, all that to say, I am a romantic and for the past six or seven years of my life, I've been praying for, dreaming about, and hoping for the man that will one day call me his. But check this out. The things we think of, even the good things, can become stumbling blocks between us and the Lord if we dwell on them too much. And I write to you all now saying that my future husband has occupied most of my thoughts for quite a long time. So you can imagine my hesitation when I came to the realization that I was making an idol out of a promise. I had to release him--whoever he was--to the Lord. Surely I could share my heart couldn't I? And besides, wasn't it good that I thought about him? It kept me waiting for him! What I didn't realize was that I was holding onto something I didn't have just so I could keep it! Completely illogical, right? The Lord asked me to give him up I said, "I can't Lord, You won't give him back." Apparently my view of God was some sadistic master who took things away from you until you claimed loyalty to Him. I couldn't let go of the one thing I knew I was promised (that's another story). But after many tears and arguments, I relinquished control of the love of my life to the One who was supposed to be the love of my life from the very beginning. It was hard to get used to the idea that my thoughts weren't supposed to drift to my future husband but ultimately it became easier. But it took me almost being in a relationship to realize something very important. The desire for a relationship with a man was less important than my desire for a relationship with my heavenly husband; the man who truly loved me beyond compare. Now, I am a lot closer to the Lord than I used to be but I'm nowhere near where I want to be. I wanted my whole heart to be the Lord's before I handed it over to the man of my dreams. So now I'm left with only one option and that is to hand over my heart to its Creator. He's the only One who knows how to properly care for it. And when the time comes, He can hand it over to the man He has appointed to be its caretaker. No, I haven't stopped praying for my future husband. No I haven't lost that sense of anticipation and excitement. But at this point in my life, I desire my Savior more than I desire a relationship. And I wanna walk so close to my Lord that when He brings that man into my life, it will be like nothing ever changed. And honestly, I can't WAIT!
Love,
Me
No comments:
Post a Comment