*tapping on the mic* Hello. Excuse me for just one second. I apologize for interrupting what it was you may or may not have already been doing. But I wanna share something; something that I wonder how many people struggle with. And I don't wonder in the sadistic sense. I'm not sitting here wondering "I wonder how many people are suffering at the hands of it. MWAHAHAHAHA!" I promise that's not where I'm going with this.
I haven't been super specific yet have I? Again, my sincerest apologies. I'm talking about the "L" word. I'm talking about loneliness. Now understand me please when I say, I fear many people don't recognize the severity of loneliness. In the ranking of issues that currently plagues society, I would put it under depression if it's not already the runner up.
People like to pass loneliness off as someone's fault. For example, people can look at someone and see that they're lonely and instead of reaching out they excuse it for someone being anti social or not stepping out and being more outgoing. I don't say this without prior knowledge because believe me, I was convinced that loneliness was psychological and that you really could fix it by just being more outgoing and more social. I believed that until it was me.
You see, loneliness was always something I thought I could talk myself out of. People would tell me I was being dramatic. People would tell me that I needed to be more of a people person. "Abbie, it's all in your head." Yeah. Well that's what I thought.
See when I graduated high school I had two good friends. That was it. I was ready to leave and face the world that was sure to have some sort of promise for me. It's funny looking back on it all now, how little I was prepared for the real world. But I went to college thinking that everything was gonna be fine! After all, college is where you find your best friends. College is where you find your bridesmaids! And while I did find some of the dearest friends I'll ever find (and I did find my bridesmaids) I also knew that there would be a day when I'd have to walk away from them, knowing that the next years would be filled with texts and late night phone calls. And I think that's when it started. The dread crept in and the worry crept in so that by the time I did have to walk away from them, my heart was done for. I was so hurt. I was so scared.
I. Was. So. Lonely.
And for the next three months, that's how I felt; alone, isolated, and lonely. And it wasn't like I was living in it all the time because I still had my family. I still had two good friends. But there would be times when this overwhelming sensation of loneliness would overtake my heart and drop me like a heart attack. It's funny how in these moments the sobs and the heartaches that you want so BADLY to vocalize get stuck somewhere in translation. I can remember times when it physically hurt to hold in all the pain.
But then, something incredible happened. I mean something radical. Something so life altering that nothing was the same after that point. The Lord God Almighty, the one who breathed the stars into existence, the very same one who stole my heart so many years ago, stepped in and pulled me from my loneliness. And He used one of my very good friends to do so.
I can remember the day that Nick Sandy asked my to be part of a worship team that he lead on Thursday nights. It felt like I had a spot to belong in. It felt like there was an "Abbie" shaped cut out that this friend had found. I fit perfectly.
Months continued on and I met some of the most incredible people.
There's this insanely incredible woman I've met and her name is Lauren. Yeah, we're roomies now!...or will be in the next couple weeks. She has opened up a whole new piece of my spirit! Her joy and her love for someone she hadn't even known for very long absolutely blew me to pieces!
Of course there's the illustrious Josie! This woman's heart and love for Jesus Christ puts me in my place. She shows me what it's like to follow after Jesus in a real and passionate way. She's absolutely one of the greatest gifts to this world! Her light shines bright in the darkest of times.
And there's Alyx, who honestly, inspires me. Who she is and who she's allowed the Lord to shape her into, is one of the most beautiful and incredible things I've ever seen in my life. It makes me regret having not gotten to know her better. She loves with an intense love and her heart shows nothing but beauty!
I made a new friend whose name is Thomas! Not kidding. He's one of the nicest, sweetest, most kind (and quite hilarious) guys you could ever meet. The fact that from the very get go, he was comfortable enough with me to make me feel like part of the family was mind boggling to me. He has the true heart of a servant.
Nick Sandy is a one of a kind guy! He has such a desire for more of Jesus and it shines through him everywhere he goes! He's absolutely hilarious and brought me into his team without even blinking. He made it feel like that's where I belonged all along; no hesitations.
It's funny because to be completely honest, I don't feel the loneliness anymore. It almost feels like it didn't ever have a spot in my heart. And I still have some incredible friends who I never see (and miss terribly) and I know that I'll always have them. But I want to say that the Lord brings the right people into your life at the right times.
And sometimes we miss it. Sometimes we want to sit in our own little hide-a-holes because that's where we feel safe. That's where we think we won't hurt ourselves.
Loneliness is a legitimate issue. It destroys the hearts of many. And it almost destroyed mine. But I want you to know, that if you are struggling really bad with loneliness, I want you to know two things. 1) You are not alone. And I know that sounds more cliched than anything else in this world because I was told that all the time. But please understand, there's always a chance to make a 180 degree turn and I am living and LOVING proof of it. 2) I want you to be able to look for people who are going to change your world. This isn't me saying, "BE MORE OUTGOING!!" This is me saying, "Be on the lookout!" Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were never meant to live this life alone. We were never supposed to walk along the path and only see one set of steps.
I love you all! You are all marvelous and meant to be more than who the world wants you to be. And know that there is always someone there to talk to! And the most important One is Jesus Christ.
Love,
Me
No comments:
Post a Comment