Chances are you clicked on this link because of the caption.
Maybe you thought, “Oh I’d love to know what REALLY went down on Abbie’s 21st
birthday.” Well if you’re expecting the typical “I got super wasted and can’t
remember a thing and woke up with a hangover” story, then I apologize for
disappointing you but this story is not it. You can leave now if you want, I
won’t be offended. But for the few that are genuinely curious about what really
happened on my 21st birthday then by all means, pull up a chair,
grab a cup of coffee, and continue reading. I promise this won’t disappoint.
So 21 is THE birthday. It’s the birthday you become a full
adult (with the exception of renting a car…ugh). So what did I do on my 21st
birthday? I went to work. I did an 8 hour work shift which was actually a lot
of fun. Then I went to dinner with my parents and enjoyed the liberty of
walking into a restaurant that you had to be 21 to enter. And then I went home
and had my own personal Scooby Doo marathon before falling asleep on the couch
of my apartment. Honestly, it was a perfect day. But there was a moment during
all of it that I was asked a question; by my mother no less. She’s notorious
for getting into my soul…in a good way though. But she asked me half way
through dinner, “Are you where you wanted to be when you turned 21?” I could
almost immediately answer her “NO.” Her face subtly registered confusion as she
said, “Why?” Now for you to understand how strongly I feel about this next
statement I need to give you some back story.
I went to college in California and California was my
escape. I hated living where I was and all I wanted to do was run. And for me,
running away looked a lot like California. It was the safe haven for my heart.
I swore I was never coming back to Washington or to Tacoma or Vashon or any
part. I wouldn’t do it because then I was in a box and if I was in a box then
my heart wouldn’t be able to live. And that, to me, was worse than death. I
remember crying on the way home from school once I had graduated because I
thought, surely there could be nothing back in Washington for me. Now the cool
thing about being a Jesus person is you come to a point where you find that
your life is not your own and as badly as you want to control it, you can’t.
And the thing you start to realize is that the Lord has the greatest plans for
you. He’s never out to give you the worst go at it. It gets difficult when we
try to take it all out of His hands and do it ourselves. It always gets messy
when we do that. And while the Lord made something beautiful out of California,
I know now that California was just me taking my life into my own hands and not
leaving it in the Lord’s hands. Coming back to Washington was always His plan.
Never once was I meant to stay in California. He knew that. He was just waiting
for me to catch up.
So when my mom asked me if I was where I wanted to be at the
age of 21 I answered no. Because honestly? I HAD WANTED to be California. I HAD
WANTED to be travelling the world. I HAD WANTED to be still running. But if I
were to still be in California, I would still be running. I would still be
leaving every place where I truly belonged. I would be outside the will of the
Father. And the crazy thing is, about a year ago, I had prayed the very
frightening prayer of “Lord, please, before anything else in this world I want
to be in the MIDDLE of your will for my life.” I believe the saying goes a
little something like, “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get
it.” In this sense it’s not necessarily “be careful.” I could almost say “Be
thankful with what you wish for because you just might get it.” Bringing me
back to Washington could not have been a better plan. My life has changed since
the moment I crossed that state line coming home in May. And it’s changed for
the BETTER.
I suppose if there was one thing I could tell my younger
self, I would set her down and give her a cup of coffee (or tea…but I think she
was a coffee drinker at the time) and tell her the importance of placing her
entire life in the hands of the One who created it. I know she wouldn’t get it
and she’d just be irritated at me for saying it. But I suppose the most
important thing is to look at where I was and the condition of my heart and to
be unutterably grateful for the Lord changing it as quickly as He did.
I can only look at my life right now and be astounded at
what has become of it. I can only be thankful for who the Lord has created me
to be and for providing the right people in my life to show me that path. And
He even showed me that path Himself. My expression of my heart through my 21st
year is amazement, because honestly, none of this should have happened. I was
too stubborn to want any of this to happen. The cry of my heart was “Give me
California or give me death!” Now the cry of my heart is “Lord. I want to be in
the center of your will.” And I think that’s where I am right now. So the
answer was no. I am not where I HAD WANTED to be. But I can tell you with the
sincerest of hearts, this is where I WANT to be at 21. The Lord brought me home.
And there’s no place I’d rather be.
Me.
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